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All By Myself

November 4, 2016

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Adulthood can be really lonely sometimes. I just want friends.

I want a group of friends who are there for me no matter what.  Friends who will listen to me when I need to vent, friends who will laugh and laugh with me and develop private jokes, friends who will just talk about tv, books, dreams, challenges, food.

I need people who read the same things, watch the same things, laugh at the same things.  I also need people who inspire me and challenge me.

When I was in college, I had a roommate that became a dear, dear friend.  If there were such a thing as a soul mate, not in a romantic sense, she was it.  She knew the deepest parts of my mind and heart.  She knew the weird quirks I had.  She knew how I dance around the room when no one is watching.   And she loved me all the more for it.

We didn’t always agree on things.  We didn’t always like the same people or even the same tv shows.  But we loved each other…like family.

Our junior year, we lived in an apartment with 2 more girls.  Our little family expanded.  The four of us were as unique and varied as the seasons.  Messy.  Creative.  Meticulous.  Clumsy. Loner. Insecure.  Romantic. Daydreamer. Organizer.  Always late.  Always on time.
We didn’t match, and yet, we fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle.  We would make great characters for a novel.

I want that again.

Can grown-up girls have friends like that?

Maybe just a part of that?

I’ve spent more seasons of loneliness in my adulthood than I care to count.  I never dreamed I could be this busy, this connected, and this alone.

As a married woman, it’s tempting to turn to my husband to fulfill all my social needs.  He is so good.  He is also the un-matching, perfectly fitting puzzle piece of my life.

But he shouldn’t be required to fulfill all my needs.  He is his own person too.  And we were meant to walk together, as closely as possible sure, but not to shun the rest of the world.

So I turn to the friend of all:  Jesus.  Oh what a friend!  He is the only one who can complete me.  Season after season of loneliness has ended when I fall at his feet and lay my head in his lap.  He strokes my hair and reminds me I am completed by His sacrifice.  Only He is worthy to fulfill ALL my needs.

As I talk with Him about my needs, he answers me.  He gets me, y’all. 🙂 Talk about a soul mate!  He is the creator of my soul.  He knows what I need and is ready to give it to me as soon as I ask.

Still… I want friends.

I want a go-to group of ladies to call when there’s a community event.  If I decide to plan a “Girls Night Out”, I want a few names to immediately come to mind.  When I see a cute top or funny joke online, I want a to send a quick text to tag my friends.

I miss that.

And the older I get, the more I realize, there are so many more of us that feel lonely than are blessed with friendships.

There’s really only one way to grow those relationships though.  They take time.  Starting with face-to-face.  Then built through private text or social media conversations.  And yes, phone calls.

I long to be invited to those face-to-face gatherings.  For years, I lamented over others social media posts.  “They had a girls’ night out? I thought we were friends, but I guess she doesn’t need me as much as I need her.”

Whether you’re 6 years old and on the playground or 32 years old and on Facebook, the pain of being left out doesn’t get any easier.  I daresay it gets worse.

But what would a 6-year-old little girl do?  She would find another “uninvited” girl and connect with her.  Their friendship might last a lifetime.

So rather than sit here, sad and alone, I’m going to do something about it.  I’m going to invite people to join me.

I’m going to send word to all my “friends” that they are welcome to my home on Wednesday afternoons for a Grown-up Girls Playdate.  Bring the kids, but come for your benefit.  No need to coordinate crafts, speakers, and food.  We’ll make do with Goldfish crackers and Capri-Suns.

I’m going to schedule Moms’ Night Out (or In) once a month so I can connect with my friends who work during the day and not just the stay-at-home moms.

I’m going to chat with them privately.

I’m going to ask how they are…and then how they really are.

I’m going to be the friend I want.

I want a friend who sees me as special and valuable.  Not because of what I can contribute to her organization, or how we might benefit one another.  Just because of who I am.

That means I need to be that sort of friend.  And seeing others as special and valuable, means getting to know them better.  You’re not just a face, a name, and a few quips on social media.   You’re compassionate. You’re hilarious.  You’re organized.  You’re creative.  You’re wise beyond your years.  You’re so much fun to be around.

Will you be my friend?


This post wasn’t intended to be a promotion for my blog.  It was actually an excerpt from my online journal.  But if you are struggling with loneliness, I would love to have you join our group: The Martha Society.  Start by getting on the email list, just add your email in the form below, then you can join our private online community.

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What do you need?

Ideas

Advice

01.

About Page Writing 101

02.

Launching Your 1st Online Course

03.

10 Mistakes You're Making in Sales Copy

04.

Getting Started with Etsy 

What do you need?

Ideas

Advice

01.

Your Future Self Will Thank You

02.

Let Go of Your Limiting Beliefs

03.

Post #3 - continue this pattern

04.

Continue This Pattern

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